Twisted Lily
by Bella Martinii
Summary: N.E.W.T.S. are drawing near and Lily has something in mind to keep tensions low and spirits high. But is a stammering James up for it?


**Twisted Lily**

James Potter ran as fast as his Chaser toned legs could take him. He was late for his Head meeting with Lily Evans and he knew about her zero tolerance for tardies. He had found out the hard way. He gulped as he remembered that time she had hexed him into the fireplace of the Gryffindor common room and gave his arse a third degree burn that landed him in the hospital wing for three days. He couldn't even take a shit without wincing out of pain. It had been mortifying.

He ran down the seventh floor corridor and slid a little as he turned right at the corner. He was about a hundred meters from the Fat Lady's portrait hole. He continued running as fast as he possibly could. He had promised her he wouldn't be late.

He had been in the Great Hall concocting a new prank on the Slytherins with Sirius and all the talking about Polyjuice potions, nifflers and clothing charms had made him lose track of time. He had run up all the flights of marble staircases in one go and had sprinted down the corridor as quickly as he could. He had imagined Sirius' mum running after him, trying to curse him into oblivion for allegedly brainwashing her son's mind, and that only made him run faster.

He finally reached the Fat Lady and bent over as he panted. God, he was Quidditch captain of the Gryffindor team for the second year running and he couldn't even keep it together. Running was definitely nothing like flying. He spent a minute catching his breath before he straightened up and brought a hand to his hair to ruffle it up. He wanted to look presentable in front of Lily.

She was… his new girlfriend after all.

James grinned to himself quickly at the fact that he had finally managed, after seven long years, to win her over. It was difficult and exasperating and an overall fucking pain in the arse, but he had managed. And it was worth every single, grueling minute of it.

"Anytime, pretty boy." The Fat Lady interjected, looking at her nails. It was obvious she was dying to go see Violet down at the antechamber next to the Great Hall. Again.

"_Dulce bellum_." James muttered. The portrait swung open and he rushed in. He saw her standing there with her back to him; she was putting her rolls of parchment away. He snuck up behind her and laced his arms around her waist as he kissed her swiftly on the cheek.

"Hi." he said sheepishly. "Sorry I'm late."

Lily turned around him and – to his surprise – she didn't seem angry.

On the contrary… she looked malevolent.

**—TL—**

James looked at his girlfriend incredulously.

"No way." He stated, crossing his arms over his chest.

Lily had spent the past ten minutes trying to convince James to join her in the most thrilling activity she'd be undertaking in _months_. Seventh year was rather stressful and with N.E.W.T.S. drawing near she needed this to ease the tension away from her body and feel more relaxed. She needed a little study break. And who better to spend it with than James Potter? She knew he needed the well-deserved distraction as much as she did.

"Come on!" she pleaded. "Knowing you, it'll be a quick one anyway." She said with a laugh.

James glared at her.

"Ex_cuse_ me?" he cried out, clearly insulted. "May I remind you of that time in the Astronomy Tower when—"

Lily smacked him on the back of the head and he yelped before taking a few steps away from her. He looked behind him and noticed the fireplace; he turned back around to find her smirking evilly at him. She had him cornered. He gulped and glanced at the fireplace one more time. He tried inching away a little.

Lily was even more frightening when she was _dating_ him.

"I don't even know how to _do_ this." James tried lamely.

Lily scoffed.

"Oh, that's the biggest lie I've ever heard. You're telling me you don't _know—" _James winced. "Out of _all_ the people in this castle, the notorious _James Potter_ has no idea how to get down and dirty—" James leaped forward and clamped his hand on her mouth.

"Keep it down, will you?" he hissed, his eyes furtively looking around them in the common room. It was lunchtime and the sun was shining outside, displaying fabulous weather for the month of April. This meant everyone was busy lounging outside on the grass, enjoying their free time.

"No one will see us." Lily whispered with his hand still covering her mouth. Her eyes were glinting flirtatiously up at him.

James debated.

Since when had _the _Lily Evans—busybody, hardworking, bossy, ill-tempered, insufferably perfect _Lily_— developed a taste for such intrepid activities?

James wasn't sure if he liked it or if he was absolutely petrified.

Oh Merlin… where was Sirius when he needed him?

Or Remus for that matter! He _needed_ a prefect in the room right now or he'd go absolutely crazy.

Lily's eye glinted maliciously as she removed his hand from her mouth.

He glanced at the floor apprehensively.

"How did you even _think_ of this?" he questioned, his eyes still down. He couldn't stop staring at the spot. It looked so vulgar yet he couldn't help feeling a little excited. James still couldn't make his mind up. He wanted to _try _it. He wouldn't be a Marauder if he didn't.

Lily shrugged nonchalantly.

"My mum owled me everything. It was her suggestion."

James' eyes bulged out of their sockets.

"Your _mother_?" he cried out. "Your _mum_ tells you to do these kinds of things?" Oh Merlin… what was he getting himself into?

Again, Lily shrugged.

"We talk about everything." She said it like it was no big deal. James couldn't believe what he was hearing. He eyed the floor again. It looked more and more daunting. He wouldn't be able to take his mind off Lily's mum while doing it now. This was his worst nightmare. He tried coming up with an excuse to run away but came up dry.

He cleared his throat.

"Um… didn't we have Head work to do? Tally up house points? Attribute rounds…?" he tried desperately.

Lily looked insulted.

"You would rather tally up _points_ than get down on the floor and—"

"NO! No, no, no." James said, quickly shaking his head. What a stupid thing to say. He tried loosening up. This was _so_ not like him to turn down such a suggestion. He was _James Potter! _He never said no to such shenanigans. He created them in the first place!

But this was foreign to him.

This was Lily Evans… of all things.

"Come on." She said, sensing he was growing warmer to her suggestion. She took off her work robes, leaving her in black skinny jeans and a wool cardigan. James ogled. She snapped her fingers at him and flashed him a smile. "Oi." Her eyes focused back on his upper body and she eyed him up and down. "Come on, take your robes and shoes off. _Now._"

James was slightly intimidated by her commanding tone but didn't budge.

"We're doing it _here?" _he asked incredulously. "In the _common_ _room_?"

"James, where else do you want to do it? In your dorm?" she scoffed then shook her head. "Not enough space. The common room is the ideal place!" She squealed as she stared at the floor appreciatively. He stared at it. She had set everything up. She had cleared the area in front of the fireplace just for them. "And plus, I need to stretch out and everything. You know how flexible I can be." She said with a wink.

James felt something tightening in his groin.

This was not good. If she kept this up any longer…

"B-But people will see us!" James exclaimed as he turned around out of exasperation to look out the window. He'd give anything to be any of the students just lounging in the sun right now. And—oh God. Did he just stammer?

He just stammered in front of Lily Evans, _didn't_ he?

This was _not _good.

Lily grinned.

"The more the merrier!" James swiveled around and gave her a look; he was scared she'd gone mad. "It's fun when more people join in."

"You've done it with several people?" he gulped.

"Yeah!" Lily said, removing her shoes from her feet. "All the time."

James blinked then cleared his throat nervously. This had just gotten really awkward. And he didn't particularly feel like… _sharing_ Lily Evans with anyone else… especially not in _that_ way.

"I'm too old for this!" James blurted out, finding no other excuse.

Lily didn't buy it for a second.

"James, you're seventeen. That's hardly too old."

"I'm an adult in the wizarding world." He countered back.

Lily pointed to the floor.

"I _hardly _think this has anything to do with _magic_." She snapped.

James blinked.

She had a point.

God, if Sirius were here he wouldn't be hesitating. He'd be jumping at the opportunity.

B-But... this was _mental_. He couldn't do this, what if someone saw them?

"Y-You've done this before?" he asked.

Oh wait. Didn't he already ask that question?

And that bloody stammer! Could it not go away and leave him the hell alone?

Lily rolled her eyes and looked at him, probably wondering if he truly _was_ as stupid as he sounded.

"Duh." She said. "I do it all the time."

James looked at her incredulously.

"I—"

"Now get your shoes off." She commanded. "Oh, and socks. Yes, _please_ take the socks off. I can't bear the sight of them."

James blinked. He liked his socks… his mum owled him a new pair every two months. He was slightly offended by her comment but pushed it aside. He had more worrying things at hand.

"I haven't agreed to this." James argued, standing strong. He wasn't going to succumb to the evil clutches of the redheaded witch from Bitchland.

"You will when I say that I know about your prank with the Slytherins." Lily deadpanned.

James froze.

"I don't know what you're on about." He lied.

Lily cocked her head to the side.

"Oh really?" she said. "So, you're not smuggling a pack of nifflers in the castle and setting them in the Slytherin common room, using them as bait to lead the Slytherins – on whom you've performed a missing clothing charm – to the Great Hall where all their clothes will be placed in a heap that's hiding a little pouch of galleons?"

James blinked.

Okay, so maybe he _did _know what she was talking about.

She started tapping her foot on the floorboard.

"Er…"

"If you do this with me, I won't report it." Lily said.

"That's blackmail and you have no proof I know about that prank that's happened today." James retorted.

Lily quirked an eyebrow up menacingly. "Oh? It took place today?"

James cursed under his breath.

She hurled a pillow at him.

James yelped and ducked.

He straightened up.

"I—" she glared and he gave up. " Nothing's funnier than a buck-naked Slytherin— thinking he's got clothes on when he doesn't— greedily running after a niffler in the castle?" He tempted to offer her a slight smile.

Lily threw another pillow and he lunged behind the couch.

"Some Head Girl _you _are!" he cried out, remaining crouched. The more he stalled, the more chances someone might stumble in the common room and dissuade Lily from doing this. "Not violent at all."

"At least I'm not hiding behind a couch, Head _Boy_!" she retaliated. "Some example of _bravery_!"

James hung his head low out of shame and put his arm out to surrender.

"Fine." He agreed. " Fine, fine, fine. Let's get this over with quickly before anyone finds us." He said as he got up, removed his cloak and took off his shoes.

Lily wagged a finger at him.

"Oh no, sir… I am planning on taking my time." James gulped again.

"Lily, we really can't—"

"James I don't care—"

"But… all those _positions_ you were talking about, they—"

"It'll be fun! It'll be _thrilling_! Come _on_." She made a grab for his tie to pull him closer to her and she kissed him slowly on the lips. James couldn't resist her any longer. She smelled too good and it felt too right. There was no point lying to himself about it. He would do her right then and there.

The portrait hole swung open and the rest of the Marauders were heard trooping in.

… Okay. Maybe James wouldn't do her right there and then, but he was close to.

Lily broke the kiss and got down on her knees.

James eyes widened.

"Lily—"

He glanced up just as his friends walked in on them.

"James!" Sirius exclaimed seeing his best friend stand behind the couch awkwardly. "You should have seen the way those stupid Slytherins ran around the _whole_ castle, showing their little, shiny, greasy butts to the world!" Sirius' obnoxiously loud voice filled the room as Remus and Peter howled in laughter. They walked by the couch and their gazes fell on Lily Evans who was flicking—

"Lily?" Sirius asked.

James frowned.

"Lily what are you—"

"GREEN. LEFT FOOT." She looked up and stared at Remus. She smiled widely. "Remus. Glad to see you'll be joining us. You're up."

Remus looked like a deer caught in headlights, but quickly obliged.

"I haven't played Twister in ages!" he exclaimed, in a tone laced with fake enthusiasm. Remus was surely as frightened of Lily as James was right now. Remus rapidly removed his shoes and socks and slapped his foot in triumph on one of the green circles on the mat. The same mat James had been staring at apprehensively for the past half hour. James looked at him in horror.

"SIRIUS." Lily called out and in a second Sirius was already spinning the dial on the floor. His shoes and socks flung carelessly on the side the moment his name touched her lips.

"Sirius, you don't even know how to play this!" James exclaimed, offended by his best friend's willingness to give in so quickly. Peter rapidly joined in. "It's a Muggle game for Merlin's sake!"

Sirius flashed his best friend a lopsided grin.

"Doesn't take a genius to figure it out mate." He said.

"RED. RIGHT HAND. GO."

Lily sure was on a roll.

"I knew I should have chosen Sirius over you." she said to a puzzled James.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

**So I was a little bored and this hopped into my mind. Just Lily having a Muggle-y innocent time with James, hahaha. I figured it would be fun to give Lily the reins on sexual tensions for once. And let's face it... it's funny to see James stammer. Hope you guys liked it! Review?**


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